An Update of Sorts: A Poem
This is a poem, though it may not seem
To be so much the cost of a dream
A cost so great, it breaks you down
But turn that smile upside-down
Frowns abound it sounds so bound
To make you cringe, to make you drown
To heal thy broken heart instead
Focus on getting ahead
'Believe in yourself', they say to me
Yet I do not know what they see
Maybe it’s the spark of hope
Or maybe it’s because I smoke too much dope
But I see the future coming to pass
I just don’t want a kick in my ass
Prophecies yet fulfilled, terms yet agreed
What is my most noblest deed?
To myself or others?
Call me a Sinner, and I’ll be your brother
I will not be forgotten, yet I wish to be pure
There is too much at stake to deny the allure
What sorrow shall suffer next?
Hopefully it’s something, I hope it’s the best
Inappropriate Circumstances Require Indirect Measures
Been a while since I posted a real, significant update, and I wanted to tell everyone what I’ve been up to, for those that care, or that don’t.
That’s actually the most significant thing. I’ve felt a lot of my insecurity slip away in the recent months, and I’m starting to care less and less about how other people view me. I’m just trying the hardest to be who I am, and for the first time EVER, I like him. I think he’s a swell guy, charismatic, and somewhat handsome. That’s a long way from overweight, depressing, and unsure. It’s really a change for the better.
Now, I don’t know if many of you remember, but my ‘dad’ is in jail, and has been for almost 3 years. I found out he was transferred to somewhere in Pennsylvania. It makes me glad he is away from me, but at the same time, he has moved closer to my sister who lives in NYC. He and her still talk on a regular basis, and it fears me that I will not be able to protect her anymore from him. I did it for a long time when we were younger, and I still have residual issues I’m working out from all of the emotional abuse, but I’m finding new reasons to keep fighting on every day, and most of it has started to slip away. Therapy has done wonders for me. Sure, I have my ups and downs, but I can’t complain at all. I’m relatively happy.
In other news, I have handed off my thesis script to a friend and fellow writer. I think she will bring fresh eyes to ‘Tripped Out’ going forward, and it will end up being something really spectacular (for 15 minutes). I will be putting up a Kickstarter early next year, so keep an eye out. I already have some people attached, and pre-production will begin as soon as the script is fixed. I’m having a meeting with her on Tuesday to discuss in further detail.
I still haven’t moved out of my apartment. I don’t really know why, but I kind of do. I’m lazy, but I need to feel somewhat comfortable to exist, and this apartment has more or less become comfortable to me. It’s not great, sure, but it’s not terrible either. It works for now. It won’t work forever.
Anyway, just wanted to spitball some of this at you. I haven’t really posted anything dark or disturbing on here for a long time, and I hope I don’t have to ever again. I plan on using that for my movies ;) haha
Thanks for following!