Today, We reflect on all the things we are thankful for, and I am no different. This year has been the best I’ve had so far, with 2012 looking to be the best year of my life. However, I could not have gotten to this point without the majority of you, so I wish to give you thanks.
First and foremost, I am thankful for my supportive friends, without whom, I would surely have lost myself, and my composure. The fact that you even care about an oaf like me is humbling, but also shows that you understand. I want you to know how much it means to have you all in my life.
Secondly, I’m thankful for my family, specifically my Mother, my Grandparents, and my Sister. I would not be in college, nor would I be set upon the right path if not for their support in the face of unwavering odds. It has been a rough year for all of us, but I can now safely say that I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Third, I am thankful for my awesome tweeps on Twitter. You guys are consistently amazing. You rise me up when I feel like venting, and you laugh when I feel like telling a joke. I am grateful for all of the love and support despite most of you not knowing me in the real world.
Last but not least, I’m thankful for you, the people of Tumblr. The fact that you are willing to even give my posts the time of day, let alone LIKE them, is truly humbling. The closest person to the real me is on here, and by allowing me to comment on my self-analysis with you is enjoyable and a learning experience all it’s own.
I cannot believe how far I have come this year. From living in a hotel for 2 months to being in my own apartment, getting As, and making new and lifelong friends, I am so thankful for all of it. There were points I was ready to give up, but the people in my life, no matter how big or how small, made the difference.
I love you all. Have a most joyous and happy Thanksgiving!
Sometimes words can accurately describe emotions, but the majority of the time, it’s usually a complex combination. Whether it’s insecurities about who we are, exuding overconfidence, ignorance towards the obvious… And of course there’s always anger, fear, sadness, betrayal, lust, pride, happiness, madness, chaos, etc.
I’ve told you guys a lot about my personal problems, and obviously, this is the case for me, however, by analyzing myself, I have found the key to understanding, and acceptance. That doesn’t mean I’m any less or more perfect than I already am, as I believe I am never the same today as I will be tomorrow. Life is an ever changing experience, but I feel by looking at every choice under self-criticism is the key to finding success.
People have told me I set the bar too high for myself, that I’ll never reach the heights I want, even if I manage to get close enough to touch it for 15 minutes, it won’t be permanent. And yet, I continue to put myself in precarious precipices due to my own excessive ambition. High risk, high reward. Go big, or go home.
Granted, this is not the case with every decision I make. Here’s a good analogy: I would love the Continental Breakfast, but I would be content with a Bowl of Cheerios and a Glass of Orange Juice. The risk is only worth it if the reward is worth the risk.
That being said, sitting around waiting for things to happen to me is going to get me nowhere. Without action, there is no way to know. I’m not looking for permanent solutions, but I am looking for viable ones.
In finality, I am essentially just going through the motions at this point. The stagnation that has occurred is nice, and has lasted a while, but I’m looking for some adventure. This time however, if I don’t seek it out, I might not ever find it.
My life has been filled with stuff to do lately! Whether it’s hanging out with friends, dealing with girl problems, procrastinating my homework till the night before, playing videogames, smoking weed…
But I digress.
Lately, I’ve been beginning to realize that people actually LIKE me as a person in general, which is really weird for me. Growing up, I was mostly told I was wrong about almost everything I thought, so my background is quite extraordinary and unusual. Even my therapist thinks so
So where do I stand? Well, I don’t hate myself as often. Sure, I loving torturing myself to the point of perfection because I set the bloody bar so high for myself. I end up holding in my emotions, and not being as straightforward as I’d like, if only to protect others.
But I’m learning.
Like all things, life in general is a constant learning process. Just when you think you know something inside and out, you discover something maybe you didn’t know with a second look. I know that’s happened to me on so many occasions it’s hard to count.
I like being a good friend to others, but sometimes I really must say no. In my life, I’m numero uno, even if I don’t feel like I am. I don’t want to sound like a pretentious ass, but it’s actually true. After years of dealing with my own personal hell, I ended up putting my focus on others over myself in numerous instances. I care too much, but it’s better than having a cold heart.
In effect, the winds are shifting once again. This year was more setting up the eventuality, next year will be all about reaping the benefits. If the world really does end on December 21, 2012(and it probably won’t), I guess I have some living to do.