I’m in a good mood. Scratch that. I’m in a GREAT fucking mood.
Why? Well, I think it’s because I stopped giving a fuck about things out of my control and just started realizing how awesome everything is. I feel like I’m finally awake, aligned, and at peace. Everything is so damn stable, even the conflicts! Bizarre considering how things were just one year ago…
Anyhoo, the Henry of then is not the Henry of now, and that’s just how it goes. Shit changes, whether we like it or not. But the ‘New’ me? Oh, he’s a keeper.
Maybe it’s the Luck of the Year of the Dragon, which is my Chinese Zodiac. It only comes around every 12 years or so. Despite some hiccups, I am learning so much about how I need to tackle situations, and I finally feel like I’m growing up. Well… maybe my priorities are changing.
I can’t say that’s a bad thing though.
I guess I just needed to realize that this is who I am, and I have to live it with him. He’s not a terrible guy, he just had a rough time early on. But he’s different now, and not bad different, just different. He changes all the time… But he’s learned to be compassionate with himself, and that is a quality worth keeping.
I’m in a really good spot overall right now, but as always, that one element is missing. The one I’ve bitched and moaned about, the one that never seems to come my way, etc., etc.
Well fuck that.
I’m not gonna sit here any longer and complain about how I can’t get a kiss, get a girlfriend, get laid, all that shit. I’m done. I’m just done.
Sure, it’s still on my mind, but I realize that as much as I want it, I have bigger fish to fry. I have quality to my life, and I have friends who care about my well being.
With Valentine’s Day coming up (and no Valentine of course), I feel the need to not give a fuck what happens next. I’m curious, but I am also indifferent. I just want to get from point A to point B without too much issue in between.
My focus is starting to change, and my heart is growing colder. I am NOT going to change into a jerk or anything, it’s just a more fractured viewpoint, a more… carnivorous (?) version of myself. I need to assert myself more, come out of my shell, but temper that with less emotional outbursts, and less information.
I am finding out that the less people know, the better, if only because it gives an air of mystery. Mystery is what keeps people coming back. If they know everything all at once, they cannot accept it, and they get overloaded. This was my past folly, but no longer.
As I said in my previous post, I am not changing the dynamics of my blog, as this issue more pertains to my personal life outside of the internet. The main thing is that I am changing… Changing as I see fit to change, and doing things with a sense of greater understanding for the universe.