I’ve had an emotional crisis all day today, actually a number of crises to be exact.
My mom was around as I had to prepare certain legal documents for another items that wasn’t my doing…
I suppose the past crept up on me so much that I started to lose focus of myself… I wanted to much to be everyone’s go-to-guy, but I realize that I can’t be Superman…
I want to meet my needs, but I also want to meet the needs of others when requested. It’s part of the balancing act.
This is not all I have a problem with, however.
I’m gonna be 24 in less than 3 months, yet I feel 24 already, and I’m dealing with a personal crisis.
As much as I hate to admit this, it’s on the pseudo-‘romantic’ front of my life, and my failures in this, and my general feeling of impotence… It’s overwhelming. I’m letting my thoughts get the better of me, spending a lot of time alone, and without anyone’s solid, solitary advise.
Most people are fucking stupid, I’m just going to be honest. Most of you probably don’t have a fucking clue what I’m going through, how I got here, and why I’m having so much trouble. I am sensitive to everything I do, every step I take, and everything that has been, or will be said. You haven’t experienced life as I have, and I probably haven’t seen it the way you are now. Advise is good, but without legitimate understanding, you have no clue as to the amount of pressure I put on myself… The suffering I allow to take control…
I’m tired, I’m weakened, and I’m lonely. I’m searching for something I haven’t found yet, and my expectations are too high, not just for myself, but of what is to come. For a realist, this is a problem. Optimism is fine, but if it is spread too thin, and we believe too wholly into it, then we fall, as I am now.
I let my emotions, my ideas, my feelings, get in the way of what was important, and I’m letting it get in the way of what IS important. I want to focus, but for once, I truly need a break. I’m tired, and I’m suffering for it.
Truth be told, I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, or where the hell I’m gonna go, but I need to let some shit go if I’m ever going to reach my destination, and I’m starting today.