All Business, No BS.
That’s my mentality these days.
It’s hard as a motherfucker to be honest to people all the time. Why? Because I hate admitting that I have flaws. In any case, everyone does. It’s the natural human reaction to things. Most people panic. I don’t because I just don’t have the time to give a fuck.
I had to drop out of one project already, and I may have to drop out of another. I’ve stretched myself too thin. Sometimes, shit like that happens. I think this is the first time I’ve ever really felt like my Dad, but I have the intelligence and emotional capacity to know that I have.
I try to be a good friend all the time and come through for people, but I do it more often than I’d like. This time, I’ve really pushed my own buttons enough so that I have next to no breathing room till the end of the month. I don’t want to do this again, but I know I’m going through a rough patch, and I know that it will.
It’s funny how things can be so good for me in the facet I’m least concerned about. I like floating because it means I’m established enough to know that my feet can stay off the ground for a little while. But now, it seems as though the Angels have shoved me back down to Earth.
Personally, my friends are cool people, but finding that something more with anyone at this point feels like a waste. I want to, BADLY, but I’m too shy, and I’m too fuckin’ preoccupied. I want a problem that I can’t fix, because I don’t want to have to fix anything. Sometimes a problem is perfect just the way it is, and that’s the goddamn truth.
I kind of wish I wasn’t the first to jump into battle because I’m always the first to get knocked down. As they say, ‘Fools rush in where Angels fear to tread.’
Overall, as with the entirety of my life, It’s layered. Like a big fuckin’ burrito. Complex, full of salsa, but also delicious. Too bad I’m at the biting part of it.
Needs more Hot Sauce.