I wrote a little scene. I don’t really plan on using it for anything, but I wanted to see if I could try and write 2 scenes worth or so of dialogue and get some feedback. I don’t have a title for it, but the plot is two friends having a conversation at a bar, which then goes outside, and gets a little mushy. I was thinking about The Social Network when I was writing it since I’ve been watching the Special Features on my Bluray all day.
Anyway, let me know what you think. I want to know if it’s any good or not.
Untitled by Henry Abrams
(Two men are sitting at the edge of a bar talking back and forth)
Man 1: Dude, were you even listening to me?
Man 2: Which part?
Man 1 (shaking his head): Why do you always have to just venture off like that? It’s like you’re stuck in your head no matter what’s going on.
Man 2 (looking at Man 1): You were talking about whether or not I would sleep with Pamela Anderson or Carmen Electra. I hardly see that as relevant conversation.
Man 1: But you don’t get it, it’s entirely important.
Man 2: How so?
Man 1: If you answer Pamela Anderson, an obvious choice for most people, you’re answering that you would dick a past-her-prime ex-Television star who’s got Hepatitis C. It would mean you’re willing to get dirty, as well as maybe the clap. It would also mean you go for exposure and power, ego if you will.
Man 2: And what if I answered Carmen Electra?
Man 1: It means you’re willing to put up with more ego than you have, and that you also care more about your penis.
Man 2: I still don’t see how this is relevant.
Man 1: Forget it man.
(He takes a sip of his martini sitting in front of him, Man 2 stares down at his beer, obviously stuck in his own head about something. He then turns to Man 1.)
Man 2: Can I ask you a question?
Man 1: What?
Man 2: Clark, why are you friends with me?
(Slightly shocked, Clark has a little trouble swallowing the bit of his drink in his mouth, then covers it, turns to Man 1)
Man 2: I’m asking you why you’re friends with me. You’re obviously upset about the fact I couldn’t answer your quandary, but you already knew it was something that would disinterest me to begin with.
Clark: I don’t know Greg, I was trying to just make small talk. We’re in a bar having a few drinks, most men at bars talk about these kinds of things.
Greg: How so?
Clark: Why do I have to explain myself? Isn’t it normal for all men to want to get laid one way or another? For Christ sake’s man, you said yourself that men think about sex every seven seconds.
Greg: Right, but you were asking me about trying to have sex with two women who I have no desire to have sex with and were popular when we were little kids. What did you think I was going to answer?
(Clark pauses for a moment, and looks at his drink, obviously puzzled and slightly ashamed. Clark turns to Greg)
Clark: Let’s just get out of here man.
Cut to outside of the bar;
(Greg and Clark are walking down the street. It is snowing. Clark is wearing a long black coat with dress attire underneath. Clark is wearing a Zip-up Jacket Hoodie with Jeans and Sneakers. Both men look cold.)
Greg: Clark, are you mad at me?
Clark: About what?
Greg: The question I asked you earlier? About why we’re friends?
(Clark stops walking and turns to Greg)
Clark: Do you really want to know? Or is this just some mind-game you’re trying to play with me?
(Greg looks Clark dead in the eyes and replies)
Greg: Yes, I want to know.
(Clark shuffles his feet for a moment, looking down, trying to come up with a response.)
Clark: Aside from the fact we’ve known each other for a long time, I really think you have something special about you, Greg. Something I can’t explain in words.
(Greg is seemingly intrigued, looks at Clark inventively)
Greg: Go on.
(Clark looks at Greg, looks back at the ground, and shakes his head)
Clark: I guess it’s that I feel I owe you some personal debt in some ways. You’ve always been there to help me when I needed it the most, you never had a judgmental opinion, and you stood up for me when no one else would. If it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t have straightened myself out like I did.
(Clark, still looking down, seeming a little upset, starts to pout. Greg pats him on the back, consoling him)
Greg: I’m sorry man, I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m just a little tipsy is all.
Clark: No, no, its fine, but you need to really change your timing asking these kinds of questions. Sometimes your random nature gets the better of me. The alcohol doesn’t help either.
(Greg and Clark look at each other on eye level for a moment. Greg smiles)
Greg: Let’s go home.
(Clark finally smiles)
Clark: Alright, let’s.
(The two continue to walk down the street, and off camera)
- manvsblog posted this