-
Poem: Power
No one man should have all that.
No one man should think it makes him better.
No one man should try to understand it.
No one man should use it to hurt others.
No one man should exert too much.
No one man should control it all.
No one man should rest on his laurels.
No one man should trust himself entirely.
No one man should let his emotions get in the way.
No one man should do everything for others.
No one man should have others do everything for him.
No one man should expect courtesy and taste from all.
No one man should let his rage control him.
No one man should think about it constantly.
No one man should put his eggs in one basket.
No one man should forget his friends.
No one man should let money turn him loose.
No one man should ever be humble enough to own it.
No one man should be wise enough to attain it.
No one man should bring out the darkness within.
Rise above. Be true to yourself and others. Love, and Accept.
- H
-
I’ve lost.
The girl I like is dating someone else, and that someone else is my friend. I’m heartbroken, but I accept what I cannot change.
It’s worse that I wasn’t even rejected this time, I just didn’t make a move when I had the chance.
My physique could also have something to do with it, but I cannot deny what I am, or how I look right now.
I guess I have to just move on and let it all go, or lest I be stuck in a woeful mood and lose myself yet again…
- H
-
Good News Everyone!
I got into Film School! YAY!
Sorry I’ve been away for the past few days. I’m coming back to full speed. Very excited for change. Very Excited.
Anyway, I’m just trying to be silly, because I’m happy! :D
I need this. #Winning
-
I am not what I am expected to be
I am who I am, and I accept this with full responsibility and capability, despite the consequences, through each sacrifice, through each challenge. I will always be held accountable for the things I say and do, and I will always be a few steps ahead of where you think I am.
The problem with acceptance is that you have to give up yourself to the universe instead of trying to fight it the whole way. Through good times, and bad, you see the world as it truly is at that moment, rather than trying to see it the way you WANT to see it.
Thinking that you can bullshit someone just to get in with a crowd, or get in to something is fine, but do you feel good about it at the end of the day? Do you really believe that that’s where you belong? Why put yourself in a group you have little in common with than find a community where you feel appreciated, even respected?
Respect is commanded when you Respect WHO YOU ARE, not what you’re trying to be. Respect comes from when you show people your true colors with no expectations of how or what they are willing to think. True respect is when you don’t need to show people, you just are.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re short or tall, Black or White, Fat or Skinny… Respect is mutual across all realms, but only with acceptance and respect for yourself.
It’s important when having that mutual respect for others to be without bias, without hate, and trying not to use someone JUST for what they can provide. The benefits of mutual respect are limitless, but if you limit your respect for another, you limit yourself entirely. It doesn’t matter if they’re not as smart as you, don’t dress the same, have a different background… What matters is trying to look at it from where they’re coming from, not just putting YOUR perspective on things.
True greatness comes from emotionally connecting with someone on a level of mutual, honest, unbias respect, and respect for yourself. Acceptance and Truth are the same thing, just different in the way they are established and shown.
Don’t lie to yourself. Be who you are, and let other people be who they’re going to be. For some, ignorance is bliss, for others, like myself, the truth is what I seek, though it is a much harder road.
Don’t be the dictator of your mind, be the liberator of your soul.
- H
-
A Very Personal Blog Post
PREFACE:Before I share something personal that I wrote, I want to make it clear that the opinions represented in this article are mine and mine alone, and have no bearing on anyone else. I wrote this as a coping method of dealing with the current issues I am having in my personal life, and this should NOT be taken is anything more than my opinion. The reason why I say this is because it deals with my Dad, and despite what I say about him, he’s really a great person overall, and this should not effect your opinion of him in any way, shape or form. This was written by me, FOR me, not for him, and not for anyone else. I am liable, and I am willing to accept the consequences if and when he sees this. I need to publish this. This is important to me.
Author’s note: This was originally written in my notebook, and I’m keeping it in it’s original form because of the flow it has to it.I’m writing this in my notebook in order to figure out who I really am. Why? I have no clue, but with the combo of Red Bull, Depression, and everyone in my life, I’m filled to the brim with conflicted feelings, and I don’t know how much more I can take.
I’m a little nutty, but you be too if you had the same situations happen to you for 7 years. I’m tortured by my constant feelings of self-loathing, and my endurance is constantly tested. I’m always trying to prove myself to everyone, just so I can feel some sense of self-worth. I don’t know how good I am at anything because I’ve never really received any compliments that meant something to me.
Let me explain: my father is a control freak, and a workaholic. He was always more concerned about making ends meet for us than actually spending time with us. He’s a genius, but also a corrupt bastard, a fraud, and an overly ambitious individual. I always had the belief that his ambition outweighed his abilities, and I’m pretty sure I’m right. Not only that, his business partners always seem to have a screw loose, and he is too trusting of them.
He is also incredibly impulsive, and doesn’t take time to weigh his options and the potential consequences. It blinds him, and he’s made poor choices because of this. I would have never dared telling him how I felt in the past, as his anger is comparable to a volcanic eruption. Now that I am older however, I see the man for who he is, and I don’t much like it. Our opinions vary, as he is more conservative, and I am more of a liberal, but I have never really felt like he respected me.
I’ve wanted to crucify him in writing for years, and now that I have a real chance to do it, I don’t want to. I feel it’s because it’s out of love, but what it’s really about is whom I am today. You see, he’s ruined my life, made me feel like I’m less than human, controlled everything I’ve done for the last 22 years, and embarrassed me at every turn, and I’ve rebelled. It is through this need to want my life that I have gained a valuable skill: Self-reliance. Because the situations I’ve been put in have been so terrible, and promises have been broken, I’ve had to learn to be independent. Through that independence, I have been able to explore myself, and find out what life was all about.
He put so much emphasis on my Asberger’s growing up that the need to prove I am in control became imperative. He always introduce me as someone with Asberger’s, therefore handicapping me before I even got a chance to open my mouth. This also instilled a feeling, a need to prove myself constantly, to overcome this obstacle he placed in my path. I feel to this day that people still don’t take me seriously because of my so-called “learning disability”.
It’s taken me years to get over most of this torment he unknowingly caused, and the anguish has been unbearable. Now that’s he;s going to be gone for a while, I have time to keep searching for my path. I’m currently unemployed, live with a roommate, and I’m just struggling to survive. Hopefully things will change rapidly, but who knows what will happen.
So here we are, at the present. I realize that my Dad is just an incredibly misguided man, and that he was only trying to do his best with what he had. At times, it was good. He was great when I was a child, but bitterness set in as I got older. He was around physically, but not emotionally.
Though I cannot forgive most of the mistakes he has made, I do have to thank him. Because of those mistake, and the constant struggle I’ve had, it’s made me stronger than I ever thought possible. It’s made me who I am today, and I’m definitely happy about that.
What I want him to know is that I love him, and the journey he is making will be tough, but also a necessary one. Personal growth is key, and it is the best advice to give. Never stop looking for who you are.
I know I won’t.
- H