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Now Accepting Facebook Friend Requests: Please Apply Within
https://www.facebook.com/Seven16
If you’re going to stalk me, just be discreet about it…
- H
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Something…
Howdy,
So this last week, despite my awesome blog postings and such, the beginning of the healing process over my dad, attaining a good grip on my mental state, and being over a week sober, I realize that I basically did what I did for most of last year: nothing.
Granted, people would tell me that I haven’t done NOTHING, I have done something. The problem is, I don’t feel like I’ve done anything. I haven’t motivated myself like I should have this past week, nor the past year. I let myself take a breather instead of beginning to look for what I want out of my future. But what DO I want?
At this point, I’m really not sure. I know more about film than most people to the extent my friends, and even my own mother begged me to head off in that direction. It’s really something I’ve always wanted and have dreamed of, but the problem is that the dream was soured for me due to excessive worry and bother over trying to get rolling, as well as my Dad pushing me. I attempted to go to Film School this last fall as I have documented before, but when it fell through, I kind of let go of it. I moved on. If something doesn’t go my way, I don’t try it again usually. I’m not like that. That’s not to say in this sense that I would not try going to Film School again, more that I would not attempt to go to the same school that I applied to. But I digress, I am not someone who is easily swayed into trying something again because I saw what happened when my father did what he did for so many years. My uncle said it was like a crazy person trying the same thing 1000x, trying to get a different reaction each time, never giving up. Most people, myself included, would give up by the 3rd or 4th try.
What are my other options? Well, as you can probably tell, and being the arrogant son of a bitch that I am, I am an exceedingly good writer. Better than most if I do say so myself. When I was younger, they put me in the gifted programs at most of my schools because of my writing abilities (a prodigy if you will), and the way that I can convey emotions and feelings through the page. When I write, it’s a release of creativity, a sort of mental masturbation. I write whatever comes to mind with little forethought as to what exactly I’m going to write about other than an outline, this blog post included. I have been suggested to by a few people that I should try the UCLA Writer’s Extension program. People who have seen my work have given me high amounts of praise, but until I prove my worth, writing an article or a story for a major publication, a book, a screenplay, I do not feel that I could make it, at least, not without some help.
The last thing may come as a bit of a shock to some, or maybe not at all; Acting. I used to do a lot of acting in my High School plays, but even before that, I took classes at Lee Strasberg, I went to an acting camp, and I had many other experiences learning and doing acting. The problem was that I always got the supporting roles, even though in every play I ever performed in, I was granted the highest praise over even the lead actors. Not that this was a problem, but it stung when I knew that it was more about popularity and good looks than about actual talent. I also love giving speeches. I am not afraid to get in front of a crowd and express myself and what I have to say. I ran for Student Council the last year of High School for the Presidency. My speech was about how my fellow peers should vote for who they thought was the best person to represent them, and not about popularity. I said I didn’t care if they voted for me or not, I just wanted them to make the right choice. People came up to me after all was said and done, and even shook my hand, telling me how good my speech was. I lost by 2 votes, not that I really cared. Politics is a dirty business anyway, especially knowing my Dad was the youngest elected official in US history (True story).
So, having weighed these options, I ask myself, what should I do? Should I proceed with Film once again? Should I head into acting? Or is my writing really good enough to warrant more time and effort?
I think the underlying issue to the question is that I really do need help. I need help getting motivated, and I need help getting started. I know what good I can do, but because I am still stinging from the pain of being told I had nothing to offer, it’s hard for me to even begin anything. I received help in all the wrong places and ways, even though I tried hard to make due with what I had. It just wasn’t enough. It still isn’t.
I may have a bit of an ego, and I may be an asshole sometimes, but don’t I have the right to be successful at something? All I ever wanted was happiness and security. I don’t require much to keep myself running, but what I have now is barely enough to get by. A normal job wouldn’t suit me well, and besides, I’ve already tried that more than once. I don’t care anymore about seeing my name in lights as much as I do knowing that I did something, that I was someone, and not a nobody like I am right now.
So I am reaching out to you. Please help me. I’m not asking for money, nor am I asking for a job, I just want some support, and help to get me started. I just want a chance, nay, I deserve a chance. I can more than prove this if need be.
Drop me a line: oracle16@gmail.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/Seven16
Facebook: http://facebook.com/Seven16
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope to hear from some of you soon.
- H
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Things I’m thinking about, How I’m doing, and What I need
Hey everyone,
Most of you know that I have recently taken a break from Social Media such as Facebook and Twitter, and I am now focusing on trying to heal the damage that has tormented me for years. Blogging is not something I consider to be Social Media, as no one can really directly comment on my posts, nor can I on theirs. It’s also not so public as my Twitter where I posted regularly.
Anyway,
Growing up, I was told I was wrong most of the time without a second thought, and had it blamed on my Asperger’s. Thing is, it’s my Asperger’s that has now given me the power I need to move forward.
A little history lesson:
For years, I was someone who had TERRIBLE social issues. I didn’t have friends, I was pretty much an outcast and wandered from group to group. I never had a group of friends until I went to Florida in 2006. It was great for a time, but then something happened, and I lost them all due to distrust and betrayal. I’d been betrayed before, but because someone I trusted lied to my face, and then ratted on me, I felt stabbed in the back. I was friends with this person, we were close. I confided about something to him, and I was betrayed. Things weren’t the same after that, and I came back in ‘07 and made more friends, who in tern, betrayed me too.
Back to the present…
I’ve been betrayed by almost everyone up to this point. Stabbed in the back. I am constantly trying to watch my ass, and it has made me stronger than ever. I’ve hardened, but I’m worried. My aggression has been becoming erratic lately. I’ve been out of control. People keep telling me it takes time to heal long term psychological damage. I just want it to be over some times. I want my moment to shine, my moment of happiness.
I guess most won’t understand because I seem to be loved by everyone, but I still haven’t resolved issues from my past in order to set my path for the future. People like me, but at the core, I guess I don’t like myself very much. I thought I did, but maybe it’s just time for a change. There’s a difference between the real me and the internet me, and I crossed the line the other night.
Before, I get too confused, my point is this: I’m doing okay, I just need some time. I need the support of my friends, and I need the support of my family if I’m going to make it through this. I want them to know, I’m ready to come out of my shell. I’m tired of hiding like a tortoise.
To be honest, I don’t know if I’m even making any sense right now, but this is my place to express myself, so whatever’s on my mind can flow. This is just one of the many things I had happen to me in the past, but it’s not what I’m dealing with now. It’s a history lesson.
You’d have to probe me pretty hard about what the real issues are at the core. I’m still trying to sort out all of it myself. I have to start to peel off the layers of aggression, sadness, and conflicting emotions. The challenge is where to start.
- H
(I will be back on Twitter when I’m ready, which will be… soon)
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REVIEW: The Social Network
Alright, so I went out and saw this awesomely awesome movie called “The Social Network”, starring Jesse Eisenberg as Mark Zuckberg and the subject being the creation of Facebook.
Now we all know how creepy Facebook can get sometimes, but it’s actually the creepiness that actual CREATES the idea. The film is riveting from start to finish, and the dialogue, written by West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin, is pitch perfect, blending the dark themes of betrayal and greed, along with intelligent banter about how people connect in real life.
The film counterbalances any weakness by blending it’s nuanced cinematography with it’s incredible actors, especially Jesse Eisenberg, who proves that someone like myself, someone with social instability, can be successful. It is through this genius that Facebook exists, and we are witness to the extraordinary events. The film never ceases in making you feel that you are in this place, at this time, which was only about 6 or 7 years ago. The costumes all feel like they were stripped out of the earlier part of the last decade, and the set design is also very subtle.
There is something to be said for great filmmaking. David Fincher has always proven to me time and time again that he is one of the best, and this may just be the jewel in his crown.
RATING: CROWN IT!
Since this is my first review, here’s my rating system.
Rating System:
CROWN IT! - The best of the best, the king of kings. 9’s and 10’s.
SEE IT! - Go see it, it’s pretty good.
RENT IT! - Good for a rent, but not theater watching material. Netflix.
MISS IT! - This is the gutter. This film sucks. What a load of perennial crap!