Koo-Koo for Cocoa Puffs aka Dig ‘Em the Frog is my best friend
Been a long time.
Let’s get down to business, shall we?
I have been at my school almost 2 years now, not stopping. It’s amazing how quickly time passes. Sometimes, I forget I’m alive, other days, I can’t feel more alive. It really depends on the mood, and some of the lighting.
I’ll be honest though, I’ve been tired for a while now. I haven’t stopped going to school, and have had almost no real breaks from any of my work. I love it here, and I’m happy, but the problem is that I have a crap ton of major work I have to do before I proceed to the next step. After finishing this quarter, I will have 3 quarters of classes I will have to take, on top of having to prepare my first real major endeavor; my Thesis project. I also have no idea what I want to write/direct for my Directing 2 class, AND I have to start writing my feature. I have a plan, you see, a plan to try and make myself stand out from the crowd, not that I don’t already. I just have to be keen on what I’m trying to make, because based on it, I could possibly get a REAL JOB directing a film. It has to be good though, REAL GOOD, and I don’t want to rush that.
I’m truly very tired. It’s not easy trying to coupe with all these different things going on in my head. I still don’t have a girlfriend, and I finally came out with that on Facebook. The response was that everyone already knew, which kind of made me feel like shit. I just felt like I was beating around the bush I guess. It’s not easy talking about stuff like that. Everyone asks me about it. Hell, the Gay Hairdresser who cut my hair today said, “We’ll get you a girlfriend.” It’s the last thing I want to think about, but one of the biggest things on my mind.
I was driving a friend to Chinatown earlier, talking about this, and he said that myself being in a relationship, or finding validation in others, is not the key to happiness, and I totally agree. But my problem is that I have NO IDEA what being in a relationship is like. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. I don’t think I’m looking for validation as much as I’m looking for confidence. I already follow the beat of my own drum, but in that department, I’m still having a lot of trouble. It’s really the only thing left as far as what I could want in my life right now. Alas, it is not meant to be, as I have tried, but I have failed, at least for the moment. I suppose my day will come sooner than later, but being almost 25 is a bitch. To me, it’s humiliating. I know that a lot of people have died not ever experiencing feelings for another, but I’m not one of those people.
Anyway, back to the main part of this: my break. I’m taking a quarter off this coming spring, a period of roughly 3 months or so, give or take. In this time, I plan on doing 3 separate things:
Get back on a diet, exercise, and lose weight
Write my scripts every day
Move out of my current apartment into new digs
The last one is particularly important because the place I live in now has turned into a real shithole since I moved here. I’m not going to lie, I’ve been more disgusted by its state than usual, and that’s saying something.
But yes, finally, I have accepted that I need to get my shit together, again. I guess everything happens in cycles, and that’s fine by me. I just wish that I could have gotten a kick in the ass sooner. Hopefully, my break will be the respite I need to keep on trekking.
I know y’all like my writing, but I think that I might take a break for a while with these types of posts. I’m probably going to stick more to funny/cool pictures with witty responses like I always do. That being said however, I do like to write, so I’m sure the occasional post will come up here and there.
Well, that’s all for now. I hope the New Year has been treating you well so far.
2013 Oscar Predictions (well, most of them)
I’ve separated this list into two categories. The first is what I think will win, and the second is what I would choose. I’m doing this to be politically correct, and fair. Unfortunately, I didn’t see absolutely EVERYTHING, so I may be abstaining in some votes in my personal choices depending.
Without further ado…
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS: The Avengers (Prediction), The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (Personal)
BEST SOUND EDITING: Zero Dark Thirty (Prediction)(Personal)
BEST SOUND MIXING: Skyfall (Prediction)(Personal)
BEST ORIGINAL SONG: Skyfall (Prediction)(Personal)
BEST ORIGINAL SCORE: Lincoln (Prediction), Skyfall (Personal)
BEST MAKEUP: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (Prediction)(Personal)
BEST COSTUME DESIGN: Lincoln (Prediction)(Personal)
BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN: Life of Pi (Prediction), Abstain
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: Life of Pi (Prediction), Skyfall (Personal)
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: Amour (Prediction), Abstain
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Lincoln (Prediction), Abstain
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Django Unchained (Prediction)(Personal)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables (Prediction), Abstain
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln (Prediction), Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained (Personal)
BEST ACTRESS: Emmanuelle Riva, Amour (Prediction), Abstain
BEST ACTOR: Daniel Day-Lewis (Prediction)(Personal)
BEST DIRECTOR: Steven Spielberg, Lincoln (Prediction), Abstain
BEST PICTURE: Lincoln (Prediction), Django Unchained (Personal)
You will probably notice I left out a few, namely the animated features. I want to be absolutely fair in my assessment, as I saw none this past year. I love animation, but I don’t really see those films in the theater anymore. Maybe I will more when I’m older and have kids.
You may also notice that some of my abstains are quite major in my personal predictions. As I stated, I have NOT seen everything. My predictions are based off the analysis that I have done so far based on the films. I feel that this is justified, as the Oscar race is as much political as it has to do with quality (which is unfortunate). Normally, I do not come out with a list before the Golden Globes, as I usually use that as a lighting rod going forward, but I have decided to make an exception this time because I have NOT seen a lot of the films.
I hope you enjoyed this list. I had fun writing it.
Thoughts: Django Unchained
I have so much to say about this movie, and only so much I can say without giving away anything, but I’ll do my best.
Django Unchained may not only be one of the best movies of 2012, but one that, literally and figuratively, sparks the dynamite. The subject matter is not for the faint of heart, dealing with slavery, which is rarely seen in a realistic and horrifying context, which is part of what gives the film its power. Granted, as with any good western, blood is flying everywhere, but the atrocities are kept enough at arm’s length that it makes you painfully aware of the plight of what African-Americans suffered at the hands of Whites.
This is the interesting part; Django Unchained is NOT entirely a western. It’s actually closer to a blaxploitation film overall, which had been the influence of some of Tarantino’s earlier work. It definitely feels like a Spaghetti Western, but it really isn’t. It’s a very fine line that Tarantino rides, and it’s amazing that he’s able to make almost 3 hours slip by.
That is not only a testament to his writing, but the acting is overall, is some of the best in any film ever made. Not one people feels underutilized, or developed. Their personalities may be larger than life, but the subversive, incredibly intelligent dialogue (some of Tarantino’s bravest and finest to date) keeps your attention every time someone says a single word. I would like to particularly give kudos to Leonardo DiCaprio, who gives his best performance ever as the manipulative slaver Calvin Candie. Considering the other nominees this year, Leo has the Supporting Actor Oscar in the bag. He’s really that good, as are most Tarantino villains.
The only major problem I have with the film comes at the end of the second act, but it’s a story problem. It only lasts about 10-15 minutes, and it doesn’t hurt the film overall, it just slows it down a little bit when it shouldn’t. It also features a cameo by the great director himself.
When all is said and done, should you see Django Unchained? Well, if you like movies, and you don’t mind being reminded of America’s dark past, of course. Is it violent? You bet! Is it fun? Very! So what are you doing? Go see it!
P.S. Fritz is awesome.
My Top 10 Favorite Movies: Summer 2012 Edition
Thought I’d recant my favorite films once again. Not much has changed, save for switching things around.
Here they are:
1. Pulp Fiction
2. Taxi Driver
3. A Clockwork Orange
4. The Godfather Part 2
5. Full Metal Jacket
6. Seven Samurai
7. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
8. Blade Runner
9. Raiders of the Lost Ark
The Big Lebowski, Boogie Nights, Oldboy, The Empire Strikes Back, Sunset Blvd.
Obviously, you can tell that I love character driven material, as well as action, sci-fi, noir, and everything in between. I’ve seen a crap load of films (somewhere over 2,000), and I continue to watch. I have a lot more favorites, but these stick out for me as some of the best.
Thing is, some of my favorite filmmaker’s films are not on this list, but I will save that for another time.
I saw Magic Mike…
…And it was pretty good.
I went with my friend. She had fun too.
I didn’t mind the asscheeks so much.
Young White Overweight Male
So I feel like my project, despite my preparation and best efforts, was a bomb. I’m going to be taking a closer look at it tonight to try and salvage what I can, but unfortunately, it’s probably going to be garbage either way.
Why am I so easily admitting failure? Simple: Because it’s the truth.
I HATE the fact that what I shot is most likely shit, but at the end of the day, I have to accept the fact that it was my doing. That I lost faith in myself, even as I pressed on. It was a personal failure, as well as a professional one. Production problems aside, I was the one people had to put their trust in, and even though this was a school project, and my first time up at bat Directing, it was my fault it turned out the way it did.
I was so focused on getting it done… So focused on other things swirling around my head, that I forgot what I was doing, and I failed.
But I’m not crying over it. In fact, I’m kind of relieved it’s garbage. It was a better learning experience than anything for me, and it definitely taught me a few things for the future. I said to my friend yesterday, walking to school, “I don’t know if I’m cut out to be a director” to which he replied, “Why? Are you sure about that?” It reminded me that I’m learning… That it’s okay to fail, that failure in itself is the key to learning more about who you are as a person, and what you really want. Needless to say, despite his knowing of my stance, he was willing to lay down the fact that I shouldn’t be so hasty to judge myself, that my potential still exists, even if I’m not willing to look at it in the eye just yet.
I AM a Director. I know it in my heart. It’s what I want more than anything in the world, save for the love of a beautiful woman, but that’s besides the point. I cannot be deterred from my course just because I bit off more than I could chew. I forget that I’m still learning. I forget that I’m still learning to define who I am. I forget that my feelings of negativity stem from others, not myself, that they were implanted in my head from a young age, and are still effecting me, even at this very moment.
But I can’t forget my path. I can’t forget why I’m here, and what I want to make of myself. If I lose that, then I have truly failed.
My dreams are fraught with mixed emotions over conflicts of interest. Wanting something I feel I cannot have, but ultimately deserve. Feeling incomplete, but having a completeness in my thoughts and actions. Bringing myself down, when I should be bringing myself up.
My confidence is hard to gauge. I’m changing once again, and this time I feel it’s for the better. But will I learn to get over the past, and move on? To become the confident Dragon that burns within my soul? Or will I let it linger, festering within my character, letting it destroy me like an army of rampaging Orcs?
Only time will tell, but I know one thing for certain: I haven’t given up yet.
The Human Condition.
This week is the clusterfuck of all clusterfucks. Everything good, everything bad… It’s pretty much happened.
I started the week with a BANG, producing a short film on Tuesday morning from 2am to 11am. It was hellish, but went well overall. I don’t think I can complain too much about it since I have yet to see any of the footage, and I was more concerned about getting to bed. I slept 14 hours after that, so I’d say it went pretty well.
Yesterday was horseshit. One of my classmates didn’t have a single fucking person on his crew, and it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen performed. I had to do 5 different things at once, plus he didn’t have a fucking clue what he wanted going in. I know I might be a little harsh, but a project like this, you can’t fuck around. It’s how it goes. I take this shit seriously. I wish other people did, but I guess that’s how it goes.
Retarded Dystopian movies starring dead bitches don’t help my mood either.
And finally, last night, I wrote 4 1/2 pages of my first feature script. I didn’t feel the need to write more, even though I should have. I thought they were great. My teacher thought they were shit, but he and my classmates tried to help me. I was hurt because it was what I imagined in my head, but I guess that my vision isn’t always the best version of it. It still doesn’t feel too good.
Now? I’m reminiscing about not having a girlfriend, being a bit of a pervert, and accepting that I intentionally isolate myself in order to not get hurt because I’ve been hurt so many times. I’m also preparing for my first directing project in almost a year, which happens on this coming Wednesday.
I’m not stretching myself too thin anymore, but I’m still healing from stretching far beyond what I thought I could. It seems to me that for every good thing I do for someone else, a bad thing occurs to me personally. Why is this? Does the universe hate me so? I know I haven’t been great lately, but I try so damn hard…
I just wish that my efforts were rewarded with something more tangible, something less toxic, and something exciting to wrap around. I feel like I’m losing part of that spark that makes me me.
Maybe I’m just all balled up inside. Twisted, feeling under-appreciated, majorly hurt. Doesn’t matter how good things are going, I truly feel this way. What appears fine on the surface, isn’t necessarily what’s true deep within.
With my birthday around the corner, I have nothing planned, nothing to do, and everything I want to happen. I wish I didn’t feel like I was so alienated from my friends.
It all boils down to the question I always ask myself; Why is it I can save everyone else, but I can’t save myself?
All Business, No BS.
That’s my mentality these days.
It’s hard as a motherfucker to be honest to people all the time. Why? Because I hate admitting that I have flaws. In any case, everyone does. It’s the natural human reaction to things. Most people panic. I don’t because I just don’t have the time to give a fuck.
I had to drop out of one project already, and I may have to drop out of another. I’ve stretched myself too thin. Sometimes, shit like that happens. I think this is the first time I’ve ever really felt like my Dad, but I have the intelligence and emotional capacity to know that I have.
I try to be a good friend all the time and come through for people, but I do it more often than I’d like. This time, I’ve really pushed my own buttons enough so that I have next to no breathing room till the end of the month. I don’t want to do this again, but I know I’m going through a rough patch, and I know that it will.
It’s funny how things can be so good for me in the facet I’m least concerned about. I like floating because it means I’m established enough to know that my feet can stay off the ground for a little while. But now, it seems as though the Angels have shoved me back down to Earth.
Personally, my friends are cool people, but finding that something more with anyone at this point feels like a waste. I want to, BADLY, but I’m too shy, and I’m too fuckin’ preoccupied. I want a problem that I can’t fix, because I don’t want to have to fix anything. Sometimes a problem is perfect just the way it is, and that’s the goddamn truth.
I kind of wish I wasn’t the first to jump into battle because I’m always the first to get knocked down. As they say, ‘Fools rush in where Angels fear to tread.’
Overall, as with the entirety of my life, It’s layered. Like a big fuckin’ burrito. Complex, full of salsa, but also delicious. Too bad I’m at the biting part of it.
Needs more Hot Sauce.