What up yo.
Finals are over. The year is almost over. Everything is almost over (apparently). I’m OVER it.
This year, 2012, was a motherfuckin’ pain in my ass, but probably the best year I’ve had on this planet thus far. Through every turn, I manage to make it just another day, so the fact I’m just blessed to be living is all the sweeter. I find that I tend to take myself for granted a lot. I tend not to stir anyone’s shit up but my own.
My mom thinks I spend too much time alone, but I think she’s wrong. I like being alone. I get really frustrated by other people’s drama and bullshit that’s completely menial. When something major happens, that’s when you have to make a comment, and listen. Sometimes, it’s just swill being shoved into our ears. I’m as guilty of it as anyone else, but when I really mean what I say, I REALLY MEAN IT. I could sit and bullshit with someone for hours on end, but when all the bullshitting is done, is there anything left to say that’s real? That’s what all my friendships, and relationships in general are based on. Can we actually not bullshit with each other? Can we talk about things that mean something to us? What are our real goals, ambitions?
This year, I found out a lot about people I didn’t know, and I didn’t have to bullshit to do it. I’ve legitimately met people that I want to know as long as I live, and it’s made my life worth living. Knowing that people are out there, even in this wild jungle of a city, still care, that they won’t run away… It gives me a sense of hope I haven’t had in a long time.
Things may appear bad for the world right now, but, as a famous attorney once said, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.”
Happy Holidays, and Happy 2013!
This means War!
So my twitter account is becoming a very part of me, and it’s time to go to war… but not with someone else. No, it’s time to go to war with myself.
For the last year and a half, all I’ve done is wallow in pity of myself, trying to make sense of all the pain I’ve been through. I used to think I could handle it, but now that things are changing, I just want to let it all go.
But It’s so fucking hard.
I didn’t cause any of the damage dealt to me. I was forced into this situation by a man I call my father. It sucks more than a $20 hooker.
I act much older than I am. I don’t know why, but I don’t consider myself a kid by any means. People really don’t take me seriously. I really don’t think they should either. I’m crass, bold, think I know everything, but what am I worth? I haven’t proven anything to anyone other than myself.
I used to work as a game tester. I was 1 of 1500 that applied and 10 that got hired. I worked my ass off on that job, and my name is in the credits of TWO videogames. That’s nothing to be honest. Before that? I was an intern on a show called Kitchen Confidential. I was the youngest intern ever at 17. I felt good, but I made a fool of myself. I met a lot of cool people, and I got my first real taste of the industry. I know that my fortune lies in Entertainment, I just don’t know where yet.
I can act, sing, dance, write, but I still need to figure out which talent I should focus on. That’s the hard part. I want to do it all and more. I’m ambitious. I want to be a Creative Businessman.
So what’s next for me heading into the end of the year? Well, I have a few resolutions:
To live in the moment as much as possible. To let go of my fears, to find my path, to love, to lose, to win, to have moments of joy, and moments of pain. To handle myself with grace and understanding that is necessary. To not put so much pressure on myself. To accept who I am with all my might. To make new friends, or gain potential new enemies. To hold, to lust, to eat, to drink…
I really just hope I have a great 2011.
And so, life goes on, and we follow.