My Dad wants to talk to me from inside the slammer. I don’t want to talk to him just yet.
He contacted my poor mother having read that most recent NY Times article about Asperger’s Syndrome. Therein lies the problem. He’s focusing on the negative, something I’m not necessarily trying to hide, but something I deal with on a regular basis, and choose to accept.
I have overcome my so-called “disability” due to willpower, though I still have a tremendous amount of trouble with it sometimes. I will always be first to admit that, but this is a-typical behavior for him. He always used to use my “illness” as an excuse for everything, telling everyone I met that I had it beforehand. He crippled me before I could even show people who I truly was, before they had an understanding of the man in the iron mask.
Point is, there is still unfinished business between he and I, but I am not thinking about it. I’m just trying to comprehend my existence, my talents and abilities, and my mental stature.
That’s all I want to do.
Out of the Frying Pan…
So life is good.
It’s been a while since I really wrote a GOOD blog, or more matter of factly, I was drunk enough. Maybe it’s because I’ve been really busy, doing assignments and shit, smoking weed, and just being Henry. I’ve been eating healthier, being more proactive in my projects, and I feel as though I have purpose in my existence.
I have come a long way.
But there are things going on behind the scenes. My Mom is divorcing my Dad, who is currently incarcerated, I’m not talking to his family, and My Mom is also dating someone. And she’s become more selfish.
I talked briefly to my sister tonight about all of that, and ultimately, I want my mom to be happy. But to move on that quickly into another relationship, and to not concern yourself with getting a job first? I find that foolish.
Granted, my Dad is an asshole, and it’s the first time my Mom has had any freedom in almost 30 years, but the dust still has not settled only 6 months in. I know it’s ALMOST over, and when it is, I won’t be worried about ANY of it.
It’s not my problem anymore. I don’t have to MAKE it my problem anymore.
So I keep seeing these blogs about “Truthful Tuesday” but to be completely honest (ironically enough), I ALWAYS tell the truth.
But if there is one thing I have to be truthful about, it’s that I had a MASSIVE crush on someone while I was going through my shit last year and earlier this year. I’ve let them go because I know I’m not the one, but I’m still looking for that “special someone” to come into my life and show me a good time.
I get so damn lonely being by myself, but I hate being called by my mother because I really want to hang out with someone I like that ISN’T family. God she pisses me off sometimes. But this all being said, I know she’s only trying to help, but she goes about it the wrong damn way. Our relationship is fucked up because of the whole situation with my Dad, and she has as much to answer for as he does because she wasn’t around either. She was lost in my Dad and her alcoholic tendencies, trying to deal with her own problems. I just want her to back the fuck off, and let me go. I’m not 5 years old anymore, and I’ve been living on my own for 2 1/2 years now, which has worked out fine.
So I guess I haven’t been COMPLETELY truthful about some things, but it’s more like there’s information I haven’t chosen to share than actually hid.
Other than all of that nonsense, I guess I just want to be around/with someone, but I need my space too.