An Update of Sorts: A Poem
This is a poem, though it may not seem
To be so much the cost of a dream
A cost so great, it breaks you down
But turn that smile upside-down
Frowns abound it sounds so bound
To make you cringe, to make you drown
To heal thy broken heart instead
Focus on getting ahead
'Believe in yourself', they say to me
Yet I do not know what they see
Maybe it’s the spark of hope
Or maybe it’s because I smoke too much dope
But I see the future coming to pass
I just don’t want a kick in my ass
Prophecies yet fulfilled, terms yet agreed
What is my most noblest deed?
To myself or others?
Call me a Sinner, and I’ll be your brother
I will not be forgotten, yet I wish to be pure
There is too much at stake to deny the allure
What sorrow shall suffer next?
Hopefully it’s something, I hope it’s the best
MerryQuill: A Poem
So, last night I got inspired to write some more poetry after watching a documentary about Charles Bukowski. I’ve always enjoyed poetry, and I think I’ll keep writing it, even if some of it is shitty, and it’s not really my main focus. I just like the feeling of being able to express myself in words rather than having to say things out loud. That’s probably why I like writing in the first place.
Anyway, here’s the poem:
The night is old, but I am young
Some half-wandered dream fills my head
Broken memories of the past
Rejection and Impurity
For are we not all fools?
We make our lives, but we share our experience
We see the beginning and the end
No matter how long
It takes us
Hope is a dirty word
Hope keeps us in line when we should only
Be thinking of ourselves
But we don’t give enough of ourselves to start
We don’t even give enough to fail
The falseness of this rotten shit
Is getting to be bullish
A fair assessment
A wish to spread the wings
Of glory, and fly
See the world anew
With open arms, and open eyes
Instead of this half smoked joint
This pain in my back
And the half-dead plant near the window
Breakout from the age of oppression!
But we’re only oppressing ourselves
There aren’t enough minds to feed all the brains
There aren’t enough stones to throw at the whore
Let he who is without sin stop lying to himself and everyone else
Let the virgin king have his reign
Lest he end up broken and forgotten
So instead of this crap
Our minds ingest
Why doesn’t someone think of something
The dog can’t have his day
Without learning a few new tricks
The need to be unburdened
Gratification in a bottle
Of substance abuse
Waiting to happen
The bastard’s dead
And so am I
Anyway, I hope you liked that shit. I might write some more sooner than later. I dunno. Whatever.
No one man should have all that.
No one man should think it makes him better.
No one man should try to understand it.
No one man should use it to hurt others.
No one man should exert too much.
No one man should control it all.
No one man should rest on his laurels.
No one man should trust himself entirely.
No one man should let his emotions get in the way.
No one man should do everything for others.
No one man should have others do everything for him.
No one man should expect courtesy and taste from all.
No one man should let his rage control him.
No one man should think about it constantly.
No one man should put his eggs in one basket.
No one man should forget his friends.
No one man should let money turn him loose.
No one man should ever be humble enough to own it.
No one man should be wise enough to attain it.
No one man should bring out the darkness within.
Rise above. Be true to yourself and others. Love, and Accept.
Late Night Rumblings of a Mad Scientist
I ate a whole fucking pizza earlier because I felt like it.
I have to wake up in 9 1/2 hours.
I think I have dermatitis on my left cheek and I can’t go to a dermatologist.
I’m currently high as a kite, and I’m out of weed.
I got hugged by the same girl twice today. (I love hugs)
I actually understood Fear and Loathing more after my 18th(?) viewing.
I have no idea how do to one of my projects involving a notebook.
I see the inevitable before it happens, but it’s always too late.
Foresight is hard to handle.
My future is bright, but my self-esteem is eating me.
Can’t get a girlfriend to save my life. It probably would.
I’m pretty sure a girl I like hates my guts.
I’m a nice guy because I want to be, not because I expect anything in return.
It would be nice if the universe would let me receive something though.
Material possessions are exactly that; Material.
I want to believe, but all I have is hope.
Compelled to action, but already lost in it.
I don’t take my own advice.
I genuinely love my friends more than most of my family.
I hide the truth in plain sight.
I am wrestling with a demon who is trying to fuck me in the ass. Hard.
Darkness and Light in all things.
Technology should make our lives easier, not our choices. (From Deus Ex: HR)
Glory only comes when one is more than humble in all things.
I am one of the most patient people you will ever meet.
Quality takes time, effort, and ability.
People can’t handle the truth. I can’t even face it.
The music blares.
Fire and Brimstone.
Simplicity and Complexity, one and together.
Trouble on the horizon
Look in the mirror
What do you see?
A man with a conscience?
A man with a dream?
Assume the position
Close the door
Open the gate
Smell the smog
Feel the breeze
A dream within a reality
Is this it?
Change the past
Correct the future
Break the cycle
Smash the barrier
Catch your breath
Day and Night: A Poem
Day and Night
The loss of words, the loss of time
Extraction seems hopeless
But there’s an unwillingness to give up
Flowing day to night
The path slows, but leads in many directions
Which to choose?
Starting something new
The question is the answer
Day to Night
Night brings gloom
A certain calmness fills the air
But the looming fact remains
What is this place?
Night to day
Rinse and repeat
The cycle needs to change
Help is needed
Day to Day
Afternoons are painful
Nothing has been done
There is solace in acceptance
Where to begin?
Can change come of this?
More sacrifices made, more time lost
Will it end?
Tired. (Random Thoughts and Feelings)
Hey y’all -
What am I tired of? Everything. Why? Because everything is kind of Meh at the end of the year. I thought I would do this; a stream of thoughts, feelings, comments, but more specifically, a look inside my mind:
Begin. Listening to music all day. I want someone to come here and fuck me. Bleed for me, Show me your true colors. What am I if I’m not who I already seem to be? I want to make you scream with pleasure. I’ve got the vibe, not the rater. Mental exhaustion. Loss of sight. Trapped in a Capsule for 4 years. Break down. Welcome home. Aftermath. Watch it grow to something new. Breasts. Algorithm, Techno Prophecy. Strange Brew. Duality. Terror of Death. Alone. Nightmare. Crossroads. Vanity. Sex. Lust. Confusion. Words. Power. Checkmate. Awkward silence drowning over a sea of the conscious masses. Soul searching. Questioning the answers. What’s next? Only up, maybe down. End.
Poetry Corner: Conflicted
I haven’t posted anything on here for a little while, and for that I apologize. Life is changing for me right now. The changes are drastic, but they are warranted. Things seem to be lining up, and for the first time in a while, I feel as though I am in control. The problems I face are those of my past, and sometimes I find it hard not to look back on them. My past sucks, but my future is bright, and all I can do at this point is to keep on going forward.
I wrote this poem earlier this week about how I feel right now. It’s called Conflicted.
So sit back, Relax, and enjoy…
Convinced that the girl of my dreams
Is standing right in front of me
So many emotions
So little time
Adding suffering to the pain
Established by those that created me
Peace is but a jest
Time is of the essence
Broke, laid to waste
Nothing is allowed
Torn between duty
All things must close
All beginnings have an end
Questions that need answers
People that need hope