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Hey, I produced this! You should watch it!
“Flamingo Rhapsody”
Originally conceptualized as a 5-minute short in a 48-hour film competition, it evolved as the editing process wore on.
Written, Directed, and Starring Tevin Simpson
Also starring Noelle Scott and Stephen Czerwinski
Produced by Henry Abrams
Photographed by Marhyan Franzen
Edited by Scott DeMartini
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Audio! Video! Disco!
2 weeks…
2 weeks until the big 2-4. Damn. I feel like I’m getting old.
I always feel like shit around my birthday, mostly because I always want to do something fun, but it never pans out the way I want it to. It would also feel better if I could spend it without getting down on myself, wishing for something while the year has passed without it happening…
I digress, I think this year has been splendid so far, 2012 at least. 2011… Well, I lost my shit. I couldn’t remember who I was, and I brought myself back up, made myself reliable, understanding… I started down a path I intend to finish. On a professional level, my life is wowzers, but honestly, social stuff always wears me out. I want to be more sociable, I want to have friends, but I sometimes fear contact because I get the feeling they don’t like me, and I back away and into my shell; a mancave I call my domain. Maybe I’m just paranoid from all the weed I smoke, but I highly doubt that. It’s not like I can’t leave the house, or get food, I’m just crippled by the embarrassment of being.
Yes, you read that right: I’m embarrassed by myself. Granted, it’s mostly because I feel I look like some ancient man, angry, domineering… When I’m really as scared as a mouse on the inside. Maybe it’s just who I am, but I do fear my heart is growing colder with each passing day. I don’t know if I want understanding by my peers anymore, but I know that I want their acceptance. It is difficult to shove the past in a drawer, when all it wants to do is raise it’s ugly head back into my life.
24. Damn man. I used to think that was so old… Now I can see why. It’s strange knowing that you’re just marching forward, trying to look at what’s around the corner, stranger still, it’s knowing that something interesting is bound to happen. Whether that be good or bad is hard to say, but right now, as I’m writing this, I’m not thinking about that. I’m thinking about the present. The moment. It’s here.
- H
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“MY CLOSET CASE” starring Drew Johnson, Mary C. Russell, and Rebecca Conroy.
Written and Directed by Henry Abrams (The dude posting this)
Let me know what you think!
- H
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Young White Overweight Male
Hey,
So I feel like my project, despite my preparation and best efforts, was a bomb. I’m going to be taking a closer look at it tonight to try and salvage what I can, but unfortunately, it’s probably going to be garbage either way.
Why am I so easily admitting failure? Simple: Because it’s the truth.
I HATE the fact that what I shot is most likely shit, but at the end of the day, I have to accept the fact that it was my doing. That I lost faith in myself, even as I pressed on. It was a personal failure, as well as a professional one. Production problems aside, I was the one people had to put their trust in, and even though this was a school project, and my first time up at bat Directing, it was my fault it turned out the way it did.
I was so focused on getting it done… So focused on other things swirling around my head, that I forgot what I was doing, and I failed.
But I’m not crying over it. In fact, I’m kind of relieved it’s garbage. It was a better learning experience than anything for me, and it definitely taught me a few things for the future. I said to my friend yesterday, walking to school, “I don’t know if I’m cut out to be a director” to which he replied, “Why? Are you sure about that?” It reminded me that I’m learning… That it’s okay to fail, that failure in itself is the key to learning more about who you are as a person, and what you really want. Needless to say, despite his knowing of my stance, he was willing to lay down the fact that I shouldn’t be so hasty to judge myself, that my potential still exists, even if I’m not willing to look at it in the eye just yet.
I AM a Director. I know it in my heart. It’s what I want more than anything in the world, save for the love of a beautiful woman, but that’s besides the point. I cannot be deterred from my course just because I bit off more than I could chew. I forget that I’m still learning. I forget that I’m still learning to define who I am. I forget that my feelings of negativity stem from others, not myself, that they were implanted in my head from a young age, and are still effecting me, even at this very moment.
But I can’t forget my path. I can’t forget why I’m here, and what I want to make of myself. If I lose that, then I have truly failed.
My dreams are fraught with mixed emotions over conflicts of interest. Wanting something I feel I cannot have, but ultimately deserve. Feeling incomplete, but having a completeness in my thoughts and actions. Bringing myself down, when I should be bringing myself up.
My confidence is hard to gauge. I’m changing once again, and this time I feel it’s for the better. But will I learn to get over the past, and move on? To become the confident Dragon that burns within my soul? Or will I let it linger, festering within my character, letting it destroy me like an army of rampaging Orcs?
Only time will tell, but I know one thing for certain: I haven’t given up yet.
- H
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The Human Condition.
This week is the clusterfuck of all clusterfucks. Everything good, everything bad… It’s pretty much happened.
I started the week with a BANG, producing a short film on Tuesday morning from 2am to 11am. It was hellish, but went well overall. I don’t think I can complain too much about it since I have yet to see any of the footage, and I was more concerned about getting to bed. I slept 14 hours after that, so I’d say it went pretty well.
Yesterday was horseshit. One of my classmates didn’t have a single fucking person on his crew, and it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen performed. I had to do 5 different things at once, plus he didn’t have a fucking clue what he wanted going in. I know I might be a little harsh, but a project like this, you can’t fuck around. It’s how it goes. I take this shit seriously. I wish other people did, but I guess that’s how it goes.
Retarded Dystopian movies starring dead bitches don’t help my mood either.
And finally, last night, I wrote 4 1/2 pages of my first feature script. I didn’t feel the need to write more, even though I should have. I thought they were great. My teacher thought they were shit, but he and my classmates tried to help me. I was hurt because it was what I imagined in my head, but I guess that my vision isn’t always the best version of it. It still doesn’t feel too good.
Now? I’m reminiscing about not having a girlfriend, being a bit of a pervert, and accepting that I intentionally isolate myself in order to not get hurt because I’ve been hurt so many times. I’m also preparing for my first directing project in almost a year, which happens on this coming Wednesday.
I’m not stretching myself too thin anymore, but I’m still healing from stretching far beyond what I thought I could. It seems to me that for every good thing I do for someone else, a bad thing occurs to me personally. Why is this? Does the universe hate me so? I know I haven’t been great lately, but I try so damn hard…
I just wish that my efforts were rewarded with something more tangible, something less toxic, and something exciting to wrap around. I feel like I’m losing part of that spark that makes me me.
Maybe I’m just all balled up inside. Twisted, feeling under-appreciated, majorly hurt. Doesn’t matter how good things are going, I truly feel this way. What appears fine on the surface, isn’t necessarily what’s true deep within.
With my birthday around the corner, I have nothing planned, nothing to do, and everything I want to happen. I wish I didn’t feel like I was so alienated from my friends.
It all boils down to the question I always ask myself; Why is it I can save everyone else, but I can’t save myself?
- H
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Revenge of the Giant Face
FADE IN:
INT. HENRY’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
HENRY ABRAMS, a mildly overweight but handsome looking 23 year old, sits at his desk, writing a blog…
INSERT: HENRY’S HANDS TYPING AWAY
An example of how a screenplay is structured, and also an example of where my mind has been at.
I have never been more focused on my work than I have now. Socially, things are getting interesting as well. I still haven’t found anyone to rub my genitals or stimulate my mind, but I can’t say that thought is bogging my down like it once was. I have too much on my plate, and Daddy’s hungry for more!
Currently, I’ve been writing, producing, and getting ready to start taking my directing classes. Needless to say, I am excited, confident, and I feel more prepared than I would have been last year. Things are constantly shifting as always, but now the shifts are more noticeable, and smaller. My confidence is the highest it’s been ever, but not to the excess of cockiness. I have people around me to keep my grounded, and people who actually give a damn.
Sure, I don’t visit with others as often as I’d like to, but bonding through mutual love of Entertainment and Media has only served as a positive, and is helping people to see who I really am.
For the first time ever, I can honestly say that I like who I am. That is an achievement for me. For those that know me, they know that I am oversensitive and incredibly self-conscious, watching every move I make, and analyzing as situations develop. But I am starting to lower my stress levels regarding my psychological state. I just try to be me, 24/7, 365. Stress in my workload is, of course, different, but not as it once was. I can handle whatever is thrown at me, and I adapt. I always appreciate a challenge, and if I fail, it’s a learning experiment.
Such astuteness can only benefit myself in the future, but it depends on the cost of what I may or may not accomplish. I have to be uncompromising in my vision, while still being able to accept criticism and use it to develop moving forward. I worry that sometimes that maybe I am too far gone from what I had intended, but something happens to shift me back and realize that things are not as bad as I had thought.
I see the true shift in mentality on the horizon, the one that will define me, and what I hope to achieve with my life. I finally have a clear vantage point to level the actions taken versus what others expect. Things are good.
I will be posting up 2 links towards the end of the month, “Scrambled Love”, in which I acted, and “Flamingo Rhapsody”, which I produced. I am very proud of the work I did on both projects, and I hope that you will be too.
I am being embraced by my community, my friends, and it feels good.
- H
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And now, Truthful Tuesday 10/11/11
My nervous breakdown I suffered this past weekend had to do with a girl, and obviously, I didn’t handle it too bloody well.
The good news is that this opens up more doors for me than I could ever think. I am loved by women, as a friend, and now maybe as something more. Hopefully, some pretty young thing comes wandering in so I can try out the technique my friend told me.
I’d never had someone explain shit about women so directly to me, and not only that, it made sense because he was so clear and concise.
On another note, I’m a strong guy both emotionally and physically, but I cry and bleed like any other person. I have moments of doubt, self-loathing, and grief. It’s what makes me human, and accepting it only makes me stronger.
- H
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I’ve lost.
The girl I like is dating someone else, and that someone else is my friend. I’m heartbroken, but I accept what I cannot change.
It’s worse that I wasn’t even rejected this time, I just didn’t make a move when I had the chance.
My physique could also have something to do with it, but I cannot deny what I am, or how I look right now.
I guess I have to just move on and let it all go, or lest I be stuck in a woeful mood and lose myself yet again…
- H
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Behind The Scenes
I’m in the role of documentarian today shooting The Facelifter. I’m tired because I got maybe 4 hours of sleep at best, but I’m really and willing to go, so let’s do this thing!
Let’s hope I break a leg!
- H