Koo-Koo for Cocoa Puffs aka Dig ‘Em the Frog is my best friend
Been a long time.
Let’s get down to business, shall we?
I have been at my school almost 2 years now, not stopping. It’s amazing how quickly time passes. Sometimes, I forget I’m alive, other days, I can’t feel more alive. It really depends on the mood, and some of the lighting.
I’ll be honest though, I’ve been tired for a while now. I haven’t stopped going to school, and have had almost no real breaks from any of my work. I love it here, and I’m happy, but the problem is that I have a crap ton of major work I have to do before I proceed to the next step. After finishing this quarter, I will have 3 quarters of classes I will have to take, on top of having to prepare my first real major endeavor; my Thesis project. I also have no idea what I want to write/direct for my Directing 2 class, AND I have to start writing my feature. I have a plan, you see, a plan to try and make myself stand out from the crowd, not that I don’t already. I just have to be keen on what I’m trying to make, because based on it, I could possibly get a REAL JOB directing a film. It has to be good though, REAL GOOD, and I don’t want to rush that.
I’m truly very tired. It’s not easy trying to coupe with all these different things going on in my head. I still don’t have a girlfriend, and I finally came out with that on Facebook. The response was that everyone already knew, which kind of made me feel like shit. I just felt like I was beating around the bush I guess. It’s not easy talking about stuff like that. Everyone asks me about it. Hell, the Gay Hairdresser who cut my hair today said, “We’ll get you a girlfriend.” It’s the last thing I want to think about, but one of the biggest things on my mind.
I was driving a friend to Chinatown earlier, talking about this, and he said that myself being in a relationship, or finding validation in others, is not the key to happiness, and I totally agree. But my problem is that I have NO IDEA what being in a relationship is like. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. I don’t think I’m looking for validation as much as I’m looking for confidence. I already follow the beat of my own drum, but in that department, I’m still having a lot of trouble. It’s really the only thing left as far as what I could want in my life right now. Alas, it is not meant to be, as I have tried, but I have failed, at least for the moment. I suppose my day will come sooner than later, but being almost 25 is a bitch. To me, it’s humiliating. I know that a lot of people have died not ever experiencing feelings for another, but I’m not one of those people.
Anyway, back to the main part of this: my break. I’m taking a quarter off this coming spring, a period of roughly 3 months or so, give or take. In this time, I plan on doing 3 separate things:
Get back on a diet, exercise, and lose weight
Write my scripts every day
Move out of my current apartment into new digs
The last one is particularly important because the place I live in now has turned into a real shithole since I moved here. I’m not going to lie, I’ve been more disgusted by its state than usual, and that’s saying something.
But yes, finally, I have accepted that I need to get my shit together, again. I guess everything happens in cycles, and that’s fine by me. I just wish that I could have gotten a kick in the ass sooner. Hopefully, my break will be the respite I need to keep on trekking.
I know y’all like my writing, but I think that I might take a break for a while with these types of posts. I’m probably going to stick more to funny/cool pictures with witty responses like I always do. That being said however, I do like to write, so I’m sure the occasional post will come up here and there.
Well, that’s all for now. I hope the New Year has been treating you well so far.
The Penitent man shall pass
I’ve been in an awful creative slump for a while now.
I feel like I can’t come up with anything good, or useful. I don’t know if it’s because I’m depressed, if I’m still getting used to my meds, if my sleep is off, if I’m just tired, or what. I know one thing’s for sure; it’s pissing me off. BIG TIME.
I want to write something interesting, something fresh, but something that isn’t as dark as my prior work. I think that’s a problem for me because I like the darkness, the sardonic nature of my characters, and the humor that I’m able to get through that. I want to write something much lighter, but I can’t find anything that would fit. I mean, Unicorns are awesome and all, but I don’t know if I can write one word of a script or story without saying FUCK half a dozen times.
Maybe I’m fighting my nature too much. Maybe I’m just not making the effort to try and work. Like I said before, I have been depressed. This summer sucked a lot of the life out of me, and what I did in the spring is long past. Maybe it’s the heat. The San Fernando Valley is a bitch during the summer, but lately, it’s been hotter than the entirety of it. And it’s Mid-September for fuck’s sakes!
I just don’t want to be that brooding guy, but I know I am. Sure, I’m funny, and I’m well liked, but my dark side is a bitch and half. I’m trying not to be the victim. I’m in control, but I don’t know what to do with that control. I’ve never really had the wheel my whole life. Someone was always driving for me.
I talked to one of my dear friends about this today, and he commented that it may take me another YEAR to figure all this out. It’s not what I want to hear, but he’s probably right. I’m a stubborn son of a bitch, and I have problems with taking the first steps towards change. I don’t get out of the house enough, and I’m rather overweight. Okay, maybe I’m fat, but I’m not obese. I’m not at the “GODDAMN, use a treadmill!” stage. That’s a step in the right direction I suppose.
The only thing really going for me is that I’m in school, and I’m giving it my all. Sometimes, that’s not enough in other people’s eyes, namely the ones helping to fund me. Maybe I expect too much out of myself. I get upset if I get a C. Anything above a B is fine, but I still feel like I can do better. I’ve only had one C+, as I said a while ago, but I felt it was deserved. The other day, on my last day of class for the next week until the new quarter starts, my professor praised me in front of the whole class about my effort. All of my other classmates had given me compliments beforehand, as that was what we were doing for each other (very 1st grade, I know), then he would comment. He called me a ‘tentpole’, which was very flattering, but I was kind of in a daze. I said I was very humbled by all of the praise I had received, but I even said I could do better. If even my best isn’t good enough for me, what ever will be?
Anyway, so I’m kind of stuck in this loophole. I don’t know if I’m just going through a REALLY long phase, or if I’m just drowning in my own depression. I did break my sobriety last Saturday, but I haven’t smoked since. I don’t really feel like going back to it anymore. I like it, sure, but it never really helped me. Maybe I just want another taste to help my creativity. Maybe I should have another taste to help it. I don’t know. I don’t want to go down that dark path again.
This probably all seems ridiculous considering how much I write per post on these things, but you have to understand, this is just me talking about my life. It’s not like I’m writing short stories, or scripts. This is purely for pleasure, and maybe to keep myself from getting rusty. I don’t edit these. I don’t refine. I just let it flow. That’s what I do. It helps me iron shit out. Public or not, I would probably be keeping a journal if it weren’t for Tumblr.
Anyway, I’ve gone on long enough. Maybe one of you has some advice for me?
Maybe not. Whatever.
Why I do what I do
It’s almost 3 am. It’s too hot to sleep. I keep thinking about this girl.
It’s the perfect time to get something off my chest.
Recently, I’ve had some personal friends of mine follow me on here, and yet I continue to type out how I feel about my situations in the way I know best: By being my honest, true self.
But some people might be wondering, ‘Why would you put such details out for everyone to see? Aren’t you worried about the repercussions? That it might get back to you in the future?’
I’m not afraid of how I feel. I’m not afraid to tell people how I feel, friend or foe. I’m not afraid of being myself, even if that means alienating others. I’m not afraid of the past catching up with me.
I’ve lived the majority of my life in fear. Fear of failing, of rejection… It’s all relative. Saying what I believe, whether or not it’s what everyone wants to hear, is more important. My past has caught up with me, in one way or another. I live it every day, but I don’t fear it like I once did. I accept it. I try and understand it so that I don’t make those same mistakes, listen to those false prophets, or those who would seek to use me. I understand that that was then, and this is now. This is who I am at this moment, and even if I’m different, or think differently 10, 15, 20 years down the line, I have to accept that this is who I was at the time. That is what gives me peace.
Everything changes, for better or worse. I go with the change. I only force change when it is something that I truly want for myself, and not for anyone else. It’s not worth it. I changed for people before, but it never made me happy, in fact, it made my existence a living hell.
I don’t think so far ahead into the future. Like everyone, I have plans. I want to travel, I want to do things, have new experiences, and learn as much as I can. But those are long-term goals, not something that will effecting me in the next 5 minutes. I don’t want my future to always be preplanned, predestined. I want to live in the moment, as I see fit. I want to experience joy, pain, and every other emotion when it happens, not know that it’s going to occur. Surprise is part of the beauty of living, even when it’s not a good one. For all I know, I could drop dead in 2 days, or 70 years. But why should I worry about that now?
In terms of regrets, I have many. More than I can count on one hand, shit, even two. I feel bad about them, but I don’t let those regrets rule my life. I don’t let them wash over me like they once did, destroying facets of my being, and causing me enumerable amounts of pain. Regrets are part of life. We all have them, and we can’t escape them, so why try? The key is to appreciate that you are not perfect. No human is. Perfection is boring, and it leads to anonymity. It becomes routine.
In finality, I write what I write because it’s how I feel. My personal truth is not just mine, it’s everyone’s. I share it because I know that others feel like I do. They go through good times and bad, they live, they experience, they understand. I am here to help you understand by allowing you to look through my lens. To see the world as I do, imperfections and all.
Let go, and live.
Oh, hows I loveses my literature. It’s so interesting!
I’ve been reading a lot more lately, which is interesting. I normally read a ton because I’m online, and I’m a writer of sorts, and because I like magazines, but I don’t normally read books. Well, I’ve been reading The Hunger Games, and it’s pretty damn good. It’s fast, not boring, and has my attention. That’s usually a problem with Books and I, I’m so ADD about them. I just can’t find myself grabbing them unless they have some kind of interesting niche. I guess examples are what I like are Palaniuk, Christopher Moore, Seth Grahame-Smith… I like funny sci-fi/fantasy stuff. The last book I TRULY finished was Slaughterhouse Five, and that was almost 2 years ago.
Granted, I own quite a number of books, and to be honest, most of them I haven’t read. Reading is like that things on my back saying, “I’ll get around to it.” or “I’ll do it later.” I feel guilty about it, but I spend a lot of time playing video games and watching movies. Obviously, that’s fine because I’m still absorbing information, just in a different medium. However, not being able to understand certain tropes of literature would be difficult if one becomes uninvolved with the time they’re in.
In the past, I read Shakespeare, Poe, Lovecraft, but I was most interested in stories about young men looking for themselves. For a long time, Holes was one of my favorite books, as well as The Giver. They were really inspiring, dark stories that I could relate to. As I’ve gotten older, I appreciate when someone can write ‘fuck’ in a book, movie, or videogame and not have it just be another curse word. Tarantino managed to make the use of the word ‘Fuck’ an artform in Pulp Fiction.
My school is going well. Out of the 14 classes I took this past year, I got 11 As. The other 3 were B+s. Not to shabby, Young Master Abrams.
I’m out of thoughts, so till next time; Whatever.
Revenge of the Giant Face
INT. HENRY’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
HENRY ABRAMS, a mildly overweight but handsome looking 23 year old, sits at his desk, writing a blog…
INSERT: HENRY’S HANDS TYPING AWAY
An example of how a screenplay is structured, and also an example of where my mind has been at.
I have never been more focused on my work than I have now. Socially, things are getting interesting as well. I still haven’t found anyone to rub my genitals or stimulate my mind, but I can’t say that thought is bogging my down like it once was. I have too much on my plate, and Daddy’s hungry for more!
Currently, I’ve been writing, producing, and getting ready to start taking my directing classes. Needless to say, I am excited, confident, and I feel more prepared than I would have been last year. Things are constantly shifting as always, but now the shifts are more noticeable, and smaller. My confidence is the highest it’s been ever, but not to the excess of cockiness. I have people around me to keep my grounded, and people who actually give a damn.
Sure, I don’t visit with others as often as I’d like to, but bonding through mutual love of Entertainment and Media has only served as a positive, and is helping people to see who I really am.
For the first time ever, I can honestly say that I like who I am. That is an achievement for me. For those that know me, they know that I am oversensitive and incredibly self-conscious, watching every move I make, and analyzing as situations develop. But I am starting to lower my stress levels regarding my psychological state. I just try to be me, 24/7, 365. Stress in my workload is, of course, different, but not as it once was. I can handle whatever is thrown at me, and I adapt. I always appreciate a challenge, and if I fail, it’s a learning experiment.
Such astuteness can only benefit myself in the future, but it depends on the cost of what I may or may not accomplish. I have to be uncompromising in my vision, while still being able to accept criticism and use it to develop moving forward. I worry that sometimes that maybe I am too far gone from what I had intended, but something happens to shift me back and realize that things are not as bad as I had thought.
I see the true shift in mentality on the horizon, the one that will define me, and what I hope to achieve with my life. I finally have a clear vantage point to level the actions taken versus what others expect. Things are good.
I will be posting up 2 links towards the end of the month, “Scrambled Love”, in which I acted, and “Flamingo Rhapsody”, which I produced. I am very proud of the work I did on both projects, and I hope that you will be too.
I am being embraced by my community, my friends, and it feels good.
Fever: About Characters
I get into creative fevers a lot when I go through major emotional issues in my life. It helps me to get out all my problems by using my own personal relationships with others as the basis. I don’t use anyone’s name, nor do I ever directly comment on something, but I try and give characters I write a little piece of myself.
I guess the truth is that every character that one person makes or writes is part of them, part of how they feel, and part of their mentality about life. Granted, some characterizations go further than others, but most of them tend to come out like you think they would.
In some cases, you have to step outside your comfort zone to approach a character. For instance, say I’m writing a teleplay about a Serial Killer. I would have to put myself in the killer’s position and figure out what makes him tick, how he would make himself believe that what he was doing was alright, and his reasons for doing what he’s done. For the most part, a villainous character usually is villainous out of a sense of Narcissism or Insecurity. It helps to know a little bit about psychology when approaching characters such as these.
So despite all of this, there are characters that have no moral compass, but they feel incomplete. The Joker is one of those rare exceptions, but the reason why is because he just is what he is. We take him at face value, and we get exactly what we expect, which is why the character is so dangerous. We don’t really know what is going on the back of his head, why he does what he does, but he just does it anyway, if only to see what happens. This was brilliantly used as the basis for the character in The Dark Knight, which is why it was so resonant with so many people.
In my experience, people in general are characters, myself included. There are reasons why I act the way I do, things I will and won’t talk about, things that have happened that I regret, and so on. But that’s what makes me interesting, and makes most people so interesting to me. Almost always, we never know someone’s back history going into a situation. It would be much easier to handle if we did, but that’s the beauty of NOT knowing. It is a challenge to go into any situation, even just going to the supermarket. I’m not saying personally, but you understand what I’m going on about. The point is that decisions we make, challenges we overcome, they shape us and make us more into people.
I am writing an epic piece of material. I’m going to continue it tomorrow, but this might be one of the best things I have ever, or will ever write.
I wrote a little scene. I don’t really plan on using it for anything, but I wanted to see if I could try and write 2 scenes worth or so of dialogue and get some feedback. I don’t have a title for it, but the plot is two friends having a conversation at a bar, which then goes outside, and gets a little mushy. I was thinking about The Social Network when I was writing it since I’ve been watching the Special Features on my Bluray all day.
Anyway, let me know what you think. I want to know if it’s any good or not.
Untitled by Henry Abrams
(Two men are sitting at the edge of a bar talking back and forth)
Man 1: Dude, were you even listening to me?
Man 2: Which part?
Man 1 (shaking his head): Why do you always have to just venture off like that? It’s like you’re stuck in your head no matter what’s going on.
Man 2 (looking at Man 1): You were talking about whether or not I would sleep with Pamela Anderson or Carmen Electra. I hardly see that as relevant conversation.
Man 1: But you don’t get it, it’s entirely important.
Man 2: How so?
Man 1: If you answer Pamela Anderson, an obvious choice for most people, you’re answering that you would dick a past-her-prime ex-Television star who’s got Hepatitis C. It would mean you’re willing to get dirty, as well as maybe the clap. It would also mean you go for exposure and power, ego if you will.
Man 2: And what if I answered Carmen Electra?
Man 1: It means you’re willing to put up with more ego than you have, and that you also care more about your penis.
Man 2: I still don’t see how this is relevant.
Man 1: Forget it man.
(He takes a sip of his martini sitting in front of him, Man 2 stares down at his beer, obviously stuck in his own head about something. He then turns to Man 1.)
Man 2: Can I ask you a question?
Man 1: What?
Man 2: Clark, why are you friends with me?
(Slightly shocked, Clark has a little trouble swallowing the bit of his drink in his mouth, then covers it, turns to Man 1)
Man 2: I’m asking you why you’re friends with me. You’re obviously upset about the fact I couldn’t answer your quandary, but you already knew it was something that would disinterest me to begin with.
Clark: I don’t know Greg, I was trying to just make small talk. We’re in a bar having a few drinks, most men at bars talk about these kinds of things.
Greg: How so?
Clark: Why do I have to explain myself? Isn’t it normal for all men to want to get laid one way or another? For Christ sake’s man, you said yourself that men think about sex every seven seconds.
Greg: Right, but you were asking me about trying to have sex with two women who I have no desire to have sex with and were popular when we were little kids. What did you think I was going to answer?
(Clark pauses for a moment, and looks at his drink, obviously puzzled and slightly ashamed. Clark turns to Greg)
Clark: Let’s just get out of here man.
Cut to outside of the bar;
(Greg and Clark are walking down the street. It is snowing. Clark is wearing a long black coat with dress attire underneath. Clark is wearing a Zip-up Jacket Hoodie with Jeans and Sneakers. Both men look cold.)
Greg: Clark, are you mad at me?
Clark: About what?
Greg: The question I asked you earlier? About why we’re friends?
(Clark stops walking and turns to Greg)
Clark: Do you really want to know? Or is this just some mind-game you’re trying to play with me?
(Greg looks Clark dead in the eyes and replies)
Greg: Yes, I want to know.
(Clark shuffles his feet for a moment, looking down, trying to come up with a response.)
Clark: Aside from the fact we’ve known each other for a long time, I really think you have something special about you, Greg. Something I can’t explain in words.
(Greg is seemingly intrigued, looks at Clark inventively)
Greg: Go on.
(Clark looks at Greg, looks back at the ground, and shakes his head)
Clark: I guess it’s that I feel I owe you some personal debt in some ways. You’ve always been there to help me when I needed it the most, you never had a judgmental opinion, and you stood up for me when no one else would. If it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t have straightened myself out like I did.
(Clark, still looking down, seeming a little upset, starts to pout. Greg pats him on the back, consoling him)
Greg: I’m sorry man, I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m just a little tipsy is all.
Clark: No, no, its fine, but you need to really change your timing asking these kinds of questions. Sometimes your random nature gets the better of me. The alcohol doesn’t help either.
(Greg and Clark look at each other on eye level for a moment. Greg smiles)
Greg: Let’s go home.
(Clark finally smiles)
Clark: Alright, let’s.
(The two continue to walk down the street, and off camera)
So this last week, despite my awesome blog postings and such, the beginning of the healing process over my dad, attaining a good grip on my mental state, and being over a week sober, I realize that I basically did what I did for most of last year: nothing.
Granted, people would tell me that I haven’t done NOTHING, I have done something. The problem is, I don’t feel like I’ve done anything. I haven’t motivated myself like I should have this past week, nor the past year. I let myself take a breather instead of beginning to look for what I want out of my future. But what DO I want?
At this point, I’m really not sure. I know more about film than most people to the extent my friends, and even my own mother begged me to head off in that direction. It’s really something I’ve always wanted and have dreamed of, but the problem is that the dream was soured for me due to excessive worry and bother over trying to get rolling, as well as my Dad pushing me. I attempted to go to Film School this last fall as I have documented before, but when it fell through, I kind of let go of it. I moved on. If something doesn’t go my way, I don’t try it again usually. I’m not like that. That’s not to say in this sense that I would not try going to Film School again, more that I would not attempt to go to the same school that I applied to. But I digress, I am not someone who is easily swayed into trying something again because I saw what happened when my father did what he did for so many years. My uncle said it was like a crazy person trying the same thing 1000x, trying to get a different reaction each time, never giving up. Most people, myself included, would give up by the 3rd or 4th try.
What are my other options? Well, as you can probably tell, and being the arrogant son of a bitch that I am, I am an exceedingly good writer. Better than most if I do say so myself. When I was younger, they put me in the gifted programs at most of my schools because of my writing abilities (a prodigy if you will), and the way that I can convey emotions and feelings through the page. When I write, it’s a release of creativity, a sort of mental masturbation. I write whatever comes to mind with little forethought as to what exactly I’m going to write about other than an outline, this blog post included. I have been suggested to by a few people that I should try the UCLA Writer’s Extension program. People who have seen my work have given me high amounts of praise, but until I prove my worth, writing an article or a story for a major publication, a book, a screenplay, I do not feel that I could make it, at least, not without some help.
The last thing may come as a bit of a shock to some, or maybe not at all; Acting. I used to do a lot of acting in my High School plays, but even before that, I took classes at Lee Strasberg, I went to an acting camp, and I had many other experiences learning and doing acting. The problem was that I always got the supporting roles, even though in every play I ever performed in, I was granted the highest praise over even the lead actors. Not that this was a problem, but it stung when I knew that it was more about popularity and good looks than about actual talent. I also love giving speeches. I am not afraid to get in front of a crowd and express myself and what I have to say. I ran for Student Council the last year of High School for the Presidency. My speech was about how my fellow peers should vote for who they thought was the best person to represent them, and not about popularity. I said I didn’t care if they voted for me or not, I just wanted them to make the right choice. People came up to me after all was said and done, and even shook my hand, telling me how good my speech was. I lost by 2 votes, not that I really cared. Politics is a dirty business anyway, especially knowing my Dad was the youngest elected official in US history (True story).
So, having weighed these options, I ask myself, what should I do? Should I proceed with Film once again? Should I head into acting? Or is my writing really good enough to warrant more time and effort?
I think the underlying issue to the question is that I really do need help. I need help getting motivated, and I need help getting started. I know what good I can do, but because I am still stinging from the pain of being told I had nothing to offer, it’s hard for me to even begin anything. I received help in all the wrong places and ways, even though I tried hard to make due with what I had. It just wasn’t enough. It still isn’t.
I may have a bit of an ego, and I may be an asshole sometimes, but don’t I have the right to be successful at something? All I ever wanted was happiness and security. I don’t require much to keep myself running, but what I have now is barely enough to get by. A normal job wouldn’t suit me well, and besides, I’ve already tried that more than once. I don’t care anymore about seeing my name in lights as much as I do knowing that I did something, that I was someone, and not a nobody like I am right now.
So I am reaching out to you. Please help me. I’m not asking for money, nor am I asking for a job, I just want some support, and help to get me started. I just want a chance, nay, I deserve a chance. I can more than prove this if need be.
Drop me a line: email@example.com
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope to hear from some of you soon.
The following is a series of Twitter posts I compiled together regarding some stuff from my past. I decided, at the behest of someone, to put them together to form a blog post as follows:
A long, long time ago, I can still remember when that music used to make me smile…
And I knew if I had my chance, that I could make those people dance, and maybe they’d be happy for a while.
February made me shiver, with each paper I’d deliver. Bad news on the doorstep, I couldn’t take one more step.
I can’t remember if I cried when I read bout his widowed bride. But something touched me deep inside, the day the music died.
About 7 years ago, my Dad did something bad, and it’s been bugging me ever since. It’s effected my life in ways you could not imagine.
How I’ve gotten through it all amazes me, but I just keep going, because forward movement is all I have. I have nothing left to lose.
Long before the economic collapse in ‘08, my father’s business got sued by a company that will not be named, as it is no longer open.
We lost everything in a matter of weeks. I saw my personal possessions being taken away from me by Federal Marshals… I saw my mom crying.
I saw my father beg for his watch his grandfather gave him, my sister cried and gave up hope. I… I never cried. I just accepted it.
I thought that by showing courage in a dark situation, when all of our money was gone, being kicked out of our house, losing our stuff…
It would inspire confidence that everything would be alright. The people around me tried to push out negativity so much, they became toxic.
I don’t trust my parents, I don’t trust my family, and I don’t trust myself. I put my trust in others because I have been betrayed…
When I needed them most, my family wasn’t there for me emotionally. I resent that, and I still hold reservations about them because of it.
I accept it now, not like I did before, as it is in the past, and there it shall remain. The only problem is it hasn’t stopped…
It’s been 7 years… All I want is for it all to be over, but I can’t just wish it to go away. I can’t just make it disappear.
I try to overcome that fear… That anxiety keeping me from my goals, but the problems are too great. It’s like fighting a Hydra.
You kill one head, and 3 more grow in it’s place.
I can’t do it on my own, but I have no one around to help me. I beg for someone to come into my life and help me, but it never comes.
I change, but the situation I’m in doesn’t. I’m barely struggling to survive, but I’m learning as I move forward. It’s a battle everyday.
I don’t really care what anyone thinks anymore because I already know how I feel about myself, and I’m okay with it.
It’s not what I wanted, but nothing ever is, so I’ll take it. Life is a game, and I’m here to play it until my last dying breath.
If this is where I am now, then so be it. Can’t make it go away. I have to let the layers peel off over time. Shed them like a snake.
Most people think I’m bullshitting when I say I’ve had experience. I’m not lying, you just don’t understand, and you never will.
Its my burden to bare, painful as it is, I will continue to carry it with me. It’s just more emotional baggage. I have a lot of it.
I try to always respect others because I want to understand where they are coming from. I don’t judge, I respect.
I see people for the good they can do, not the negative they put forth. All people are inherently good.
It’s the choices we make that determine who were are on the inside.
So if you think I don’t know what I’m saying, or if I confuse you, I want to make the world understand its not worth the effort to try.